The Place for Day-a-jokes

Ewww

2012-01-31T02:37:00.000-08:00

Did you hear about the girl who had an infection on her foot? The doc said that had 'puss in boots'

Sequel to Ra.One

2011-11-27T06:49:00.000-08:00

One night stands

2011-08-27T21:13:00.000-07:00

Dracula and Minnie Mouse once had a one night stand and forgot about it.

Rat gayi, bat gayi.

Thanks to Puja Vora for this.

Planet of the Apes

2011-08-06T11:17:00.000-07:00

Q: Why are the fight sequences in 'Planet of the Apes' all about being sneaky and defeating the enemy using an element of surprise?

A: Gorilla Warfare! (Shivaji fans, no offence please. Jai Maharashtra)

A-G, O-G!

2011-07-27T04:56:00.000-07:00

What is my name if it is defined by the function: f(x,y) = 2y/x??

--

Answer: f(1,2) = 4; f(4,2) = 1; So name is Lakhan

Courtesy: Pool Jaisinghani

It's magic .. it's magic

2011-07-25T01:45:00.001-07:00

What do you call a wizard who ...
Q: ... keeps tripping over things?
A: Stumbledore

Q: ... is kind of good natured buffoon?
A: Bumbledore

Q: ... talks with a thunderous voice?
A: Rumbledore

Q: ... is a Gujju bloke who likes clicking photos?
A: Prof. 'Snape'

Itna paisa mein itnaich milega

2011-07-13T09:47:00.000-07:00

Q: Which bank would 'women of negotiable affection' bank with?
A: ING Veshya

Holy grandmother of God!

2011-07-08T00:39:00.001-07:00

Q: Which bank is the grandmother of all banks in Maharashtra?

A: आई ची आई ची आई

Baizzat bury

2011-07-07T08:14:00.000-07:00

Q: AB Baby and Piggy Chops go to the cemetery to bury an old relative. Nice clear sky, lush green grass, the whole shebang. They reach the cemetry, and are surprised to observe that the grave is in fact missing. What song do they sing?

A: "Ik taraf hai aasma. Ik taraf zameen. Kabar nahi." (Artistic liberties taken)

Collective Responsibility

2011-06-10T23:48:00.000-07:00

Q: What is the collective noun (e.g. a pride of lions) for the people working in the banking industry?

A: A wunch of bankers

(credits to Neil Gaiman!!)

Dharam paaji - mausam ka haal

2011-03-10T12:34:00.000-08:00

Q: Why can Dharmendra never be a weather forecaster?
A: No matter the weather, he'll always go 'Aaj mausam bada beimaan hai ... aanewaala koi toofaan hai ...'

Pig and needle

2011-02-25T00:30:00.000-08:00

The pig and the needle, both lay claim to the haystack. So they went to court.
Who was the plaintiff and who was the defendant?

Ans) Pig was the plaintiff (Sue-ar) and the needle was the defendant(Sue-ee)

bacon and pinpricks to - Champu

Technologically challenged nepali princess

2011-02-11T23:21:00.000-08:00

Q. What will Manisha Koirala say when she is struggling to unzip a .rar file in her car?

A. Ik rar karna mushkil hai, In car karna mushkil hai !

Want employment? (Marathi joke)

2011-01-28T23:03:00.000-08:00

प्र) एक माणूस बेरोझगार असतो. तो रात्री एक गुलाब फ्रीजमध्ये ठेवतो. का?

ज) कारण त्याला वाटते कि सकाली रोज गार झाला कि त्याला रोजगार मिळेल.

Thanks to Manish Baswante for this.

Hands up

2010-07-26T12:03:00.000-07:00

A: Thak thak
B: Kaun hain?
A: Job
B: Kaun Job
A: You are under arrest

Infinite joke, eternal pain

2010-07-26T06:32:00.000-07:00

(Tinu Anand, the hindi film director went to a visit some person.)

knock knock.
kaun?
Tinu
Kaun Tinu
ok. knock knock.
kaun?
Tinu
Kaun Tinu
ok. knock knock ...
...
....

(from Sachin_Patil.chmx)

Akon joke

2010-06-09T00:36:00.000-07:00

Q) If a movie were to be made starring Madhuri Dixit and Akon, what would it be called?

A) Hum Aapke Akon

Thanks to Puja Vora for this.

Iss platform pe nahi rukegi

2010-06-02T05:29:00.000-07:00

Q: Indralok ki local trains saare stations pe rukti hain except one. Which one?

A: Andheri. Kyunki bhagwaan ke ghar mein deri hai, Andheri nahi.

Vagina Monologues Joke

2010-05-26T03:34:00.000-07:00

How to blow up Italy?

2010-05-13T23:29:00.000-07:00

Q: What's the simplest way to decimate Italy into a black hole?

A: Combine pasta and antipasta

Muqadder ka Siqander

2010-05-12T11:46:00.000-07:00

This amazing sketch was done by this awesome woman.

Farmville and heap sort

2010-05-06T02:45:00.001-07:00

This actually happened. :) Also, the algorithms I saw on the internet were using recursion and I wasn't.

Vampire Diaries

2010-05-02T14:19:00.000-07:00

Q: What drink did Count Dracula order at the bar?

A: Bloody Mary

pwnage

2010-04-18T09:20:00.000-07:00

I made the above image during the match. Maybe it was a hex. :P

iPad

2010-04-02T06:57:00.001-07:00

By Hemant Suthar.

Pipe joke

2010-03-31T11:32:00.000-07:00

I've been waiting for years for this typo to appear!

2010-03-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

(original link here (via Reddit))

Hitler and cricket

2010-03-18T01:03:00.000-07:00

Q) Why was Hitler hit on the head by a cricket ball?

A) He did nazi the ball

Taken from a random Google Buzz thread by Dragon.

wow vs wol

2010-02-09T01:45:00.000-08:00

For details, please see this and this.

The time is 2:30

2010-01-13T01:38:00.001-08:00

This really happened.

Ajab Birthday ki Gazab Kahani

2010-01-11T03:37:00.000-08:00

Q: Which birthday does Ranbir Kapoor celebrate in the movie Ajab Prem ki Gazab Kahani?

A: His thirteenth.
He goes from "Teraah hone laga hoon... " to "Main teraah... Dhadkan teri..."

vada pav joke

2010-01-11T02:34:00.000-08:00

प्र) एक आदमी वाडा पाँव खाने गयाथा

पर वाडा पाव ने उसको खालिया

क्यों?

ज) क्यों की शेर का नाम वाडा पाँव था

ये पढके अगर किसी को लात मारने का मन करे, कृप्या इस लड़की की तरफ आपका पाँव बढाइये

Apple Joke

2010-01-06T23:48:00.001-08:00

By Joydeep:

Q: What did the iPod touch say to the MacBook Pro?

A: "I have this sync'ing feeling...

Everybody loves a good drought

2010-01-04T23:07:00.000-08:00

This almost happened.

Conversation between a guy getting married and a Maths teacher

2009-11-19T21:48:00.000-08:00

This actually happened. Here's wishing Yousuf Habib a happy married life (with this joke). Thanks a lot to Priyanka Talreja for the visuals.

Bad cowboys

2009-11-10T12:46:00.000-08:00

Q: Where do terrorist cowboys get put away?
A: Guantanamoo bay

High

2009-10-09T03:22:00.001-07:00

He who stands on toilet, is high on pot !

Thanks to Aman Jain on FB

Trader uncle ko gussa kyun aata hai?

2009-10-05T10:21:00.000-07:00

(Geeky/Fin joke, I apologize in advance)

Q: Why do high frequency traders often get angry for no particular reason?
A: Because they are in the business of arbit-raging

Thought for the day - Oct 5, 2009

2009-10-04T23:53:00.000-07:00

Garbha ke time pe, agar koi vati laati hain, woh garbhavati ho jaati hain.

Divine Clothes

2009-09-29T05:19:00.001-07:00

Straight from the Sod's mouth:

Why're old socks usually sacred?

A: Because they tend to be 'holey'.

Sirius again

2009-09-23T23:27:00.000-07:00

Wikipedia editors

2009-09-22T13:28:00.000-07:00

तुला मराठी येते ?

2009-09-21T23:48:00.000-07:00

Random collection

2009-09-19T17:50:00.000-07:00

1) Why is watermelon juice so intoxicating?

- 'Cause it's tar-booze

2) There were once two sisters, both with same first names, May Reel. The get separated from family as kids and as fate should have it, fall into bad company. First becomes a stripper and joins gentlemen's clubs. The second joins a mob and beats up people for money. But later their lives improve, the stripper becomes a famous Hollywood actress and the mob member starts a financial firm. What were their full names?

- Merrill Lynch and Meryl Streep

3) Quick Gun Murugan started a financial firm. He called it.....

Murugan Stanley (or J.P. Murugan, not sure)

Same man, wrong movie

2009-09-17T05:00:00.000-07:00

Hint: Gary Oldman plays Commissioner Gordon in the Batman series and Sirius Black in the Harrry Potter series.

Why Chintu did not do a phd

2009-09-16T03:33:00.000-07:00

Size - he has it

2009-09-16T02:39:00.001-07:00

Q: Why did the guy take his matrimonial date to a Subway®?

A: Because she said she would marry him only if he had a footlong.

(spewed from the grossness of GPD's mind)

Scrabbler pick-up line

2009-08-29T12:27:00.000-07:00

Q) What would a scrabble player's pick-up line be?

A) Hey, nice rack.

Movies about razors

2009-08-19T23:41:00.000-07:00

Q) If there was a movie made about razors which stars Christian Bale and Johnny Depp, what would it be called?

A) Pubic Enemies

Oh! Show!

2009-08-11T10:12:00.000-07:00

Copied from Sod's status message:

A tourist goes to Pune and visits the Osho Ashram area. There he tries to buy a book that costs Rs 50. He gives the bookseller a Rs. 100 note. Then he waits for a while for the bookseller to give his due Rs. 50 back.

Tourist: Where is my change?

Bookseller: The change should come from within.

The center of all human beings

2009-07-27T01:24:00.001-07:00

Q) Where does the center of all human beings on planet earth lie?

A) IIT Bombay, because it is in the center on HumaNitie

Is Cement me jaan hai!

2009-07-19T23:27:00.000-07:00

Q. Why does Ambuja Cement also manufacture Earphones?

A. Kyunki Deewaaron ke bhi kaan hote hai!!

Thought for the day - July 4, 2009

2009-07-04T11:22:00.000-07:00

When the wheel was invented, it caused a revolution.

Lions. More Lions.

2009-06-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

By Kris (no not Krishna - it's Kristopher Noronha):

Q: what do you call 10 male lions roaming the wilderness together?

A: Gay pride (usual funda)

Mallu joke

2009-06-25T23:02:00.000-07:00

Q) What would Sreesanth be called if the emperor convinced him to join the Dark Side?

A) Darth Mallu

Please do not blame Anuj Pradhan for this. He has just finished a 2 year course at IIMB and things sometimes get difficult there. :-P

Ghost joke

2009-06-25T22:37:00.000-07:00

Q) What is the name of the restaurant in Hell where busty female ghosts serve food?

A) Bhooters

Shiney Jokes

2009-06-25T22:35:00.000-07:00

Q) What is Shiney Ahuja's sexual orientation?
A) He is Baisexual

Q) What does Shiney Ahuja usually read before masturbation?
A) Bai-o-graphies

Q) What does Shiney Ahuja read while masturbatiing?
A) Auto - Bai - o - graphies

Q) What was Shiney Ahuja's favourite subject in school?
A) Bai-o-logy

Q) What is Shiney Ahuja's favourite holiday destination?
A) Dubai

Q) What is Shiney Ahuja's favourite mode of transport?
A) Baicycle

Q) Shiney Ahuja decided to give up acting after the scandal and went to the stock markets to become a trader. He was a failure at it. Why?
A) He did not sell anything. All he did was bai.

Q) What is Shiney Ahuja's favourite song?
A) Maid in India
Alternate answer (from anonymous comment): Bai Bai Bai, by N'Sync

(Thanks to Anjaam for the following 'joke')
Q) What is the bai's least favourite song?
A) Shiney Disco Balls

Shiney Ahuja believes that there are 10 kinds of people in this world - those who understand bainary and those who do not.

Nein nein

2009-06-19T21:26:00.000-07:00

If "Maine Pyar Kiya" was in German, the most popular song would have been "Kabootar, Ja Ja Ja, Kabootar Ja Ja Ja".

Totor joke

2009-06-06T10:46:00.001-07:00

Priyanka: wish me luck
Lakesidey: am already half asleep, all the best
Priyanka: am off to tutor for the first time
Lakesidey: ok
Priyanka: will get to meet some kid
Lakesidey: tutor tutor tutor tootiya...etc etc :)
Priyanka: aiyyayyi

IPL Joke

2009-05-10T07:41:00.000-07:00

Q) Why are the makers of the movie "Delhi 6" being sued by Lalit Modi?

A) Because they did not name their movie "Delhi DLF Maximum".

Lakesidey on 10^(-9) finance

2009-04-21T04:26:00.001-07:00

Q) Why do we see so many banks offering cheap loans for the Nano?

A) They want Nobel Prize. If someone wants can get one for micro-finance, why not for Nano-finance?

Lakesidey says

2009-04-09T13:41:00.000-07:00

Q) Why has there been no new Arab literature in a long while?

A) Because there is nothing left to right.

Fubu says

2009-04-05T10:53:00.000-07:00

Q) What is the biggest symptom of iron deficiency?

A) A crumpled shirt

For the Electrical Types...

2009-03-24T03:09:00.000-07:00

CMOS-quito : Fast, energy efficient sanguivore that buzzes around your ears. It megabites!

Missed Opportunity

2009-03-23T18:31:00.000-07:00

Why is there no word as mistertaken?

Because for man to woman ratio is in favor of women. So, its always mistaken.

Bon Appétit.

2009-03-02T07:38:00.000-08:00

Q : What do termite's love for breakfast ?

A : OaKmeal.

Bugs Bunny joke

2009-02-04T00:11:00.000-08:00

Q) What would the cartoon in which Bugs Bunny has twins be called?

A) Rabbit ne banadi jodi

Temple joke

2009-01-29T00:39:00.000-08:00

Q) Why is the forehead of a person called Amrit yellow in colour?

A) Because Amrit-sar has Golden Temple.

Please sing 'Tootak tootak tootiyan' to Vikram Rentala if you are not happy.

Grammar check

2009-01-29T00:30:00.000-08:00

Q) What is the plural of IIT?

A) IIsT

Funda: Indian Institutes of Technology.

If you are pissed off with this 'piece', please sing, 'tootak tootak tootiyan' to Vikram Rentala.

yettt another edit-

This explains why students keep hanging out at coffee shack.....

They want to be close to Ice Tea/ IIs T

True love hormones

2009-01-11T22:09:00.000-08:00

Q: Sashi couldn't ever kiss anyone unless he was in love with that person. Why?
A: Pyaar humein kiss Mode pe le aaya.

India-Australia rivalry

2009-01-06T01:02:00.000-08:00

Thanks to a mnemonic for the sketch.

Read The Last Two Posts

2008-12-29T01:48:00.000-08:00

To Sashi's post below:

... and I sa(u)nitize

Read the Below One First

2008-12-29T01:24:00.000-08:00

To Shashi's last one:

I Mahavirize.

The worst (best) joke of 2008

2008-12-29T01:12:00.000-08:00

Q) When does apple become ale?

A) When the 'p' is silent.

I apologize.

T Joke

2008-12-19T21:44:00.000-08:00

Q) Why does Jet Li never drink tea?

A) Because he comes from Chai-na.

Blame it on The Mint for messing with Samar Srivastava's mind which made him come up with this.

Condom joke

2008-12-18T04:10:00.000-08:00

Q) What would a Shah Rukh Khan movie be called in which an sexual escapade results in twins being born due to a faulty condom?

A) Rubber ne banadi jodi

Thanks to inputs from Ram Kakkad and Vikram Chopra.

Iceland Joke

2008-12-14T23:40:00.000-08:00

Q) What is the capital of Iceland?

A) $2.50

All brickbats will be redirected to Samar Srivastava.

Antz Joke

2008-12-05T05:11:00.000-08:00

Q) Why do ants never move in groups of ten?

A) Because they'd be tenants and they'd have to pay rent.

Source: Ram Kakkad

News piece of the month - 1

2008-12-05T05:04:00.000-08:00

Michael Jackson tried killing himself Wednesday morning by jumping off his boat. The police found him last night bobbing up and down on a small buoy.

Source: A colleague of Amit Ghorawat's.

M&A joke

2008-11-21T03:38:00.001-08:00

Q) If a merger were to take place between Goldman Sachs and Citigroup, what would the new entity be called?

A) Sachs and the Citi.

We thank Piyush Gahlot for this one.

Israel joke

2008-11-10T03:32:00.000-08:00

Q) If the movie "Rab ne banadi jodi" were to be made in Israel, what would it be called?

A) Rabbi ne banadi jodi

Doubt about markets....

2008-10-26T09:53:00.001-07:00

(comments by Jose)

Definition:
In.vest.or (n.): someone who has lost his shirt on the stock market.

Afterthought:
Are loan sharks "fin" junta?

Desperately Seeking Helen.

2008-10-24T11:59:00.001-07:00

Q : What do you pay an eight legged creature from Greece ??

A : Octtroy

2008-10-23T04:25:00.000-07:00

(thanks to Giddu for dreaming up this one)

On wall street, it is noticed that a lot of people have exactly the same sized penises. What is the phenomenon called?

(Ans) Private Equity

:D

Bad Boy Gone Good

2008-10-22T12:09:00.000-07:00

Q : When does Gulshan Grover become Gulshan Grocer ???

A : When he travels with the speed of light.

(At that Speed, V=C )

Le Nozze Di Hairo.

2008-10-17T00:49:00.000-07:00

Q : Why couldn't the two strands of hair marry each other after they fell in love ?

A : Because under Indian Laws , 'baal vivah' is illegal.

onion pickle

2008-10-17T00:45:00.000-07:00

Q) What is the opposite of onion?

A) Pickle

Funda: Onion == peeaaj X peekal == pickle

Richie err.. River Rich.

2008-10-17T00:06:00.001-07:00

Q : Why is the River Rich ?

A : Because it has two Banks !

Sherlock Holmes Taxes

2008-10-16T13:24:00.000-07:00

Q) Why didn't Sherlock Holmes ever pay taxes?

A)He could make some Brilliant Deductions.

Thanks to this woman for this.

Mommy Mommy !!!

2008-10-16T11:46:00.000-07:00

Q : What did baby corn ask mom corn ???

A : Where is Pop corn ?

Correction.

2008-10-16T11:35:00.000-07:00

Q :Why did Shruti change her name and correct it to Shraxis?

A : Because UTI bank is now Axis bank.

Paradise Lost

2008-09-17T02:03:00.000-07:00

(found on an IIMA noticeboard)

The Dead Poets Society meets once a week in a remote corner of heaven. Here you will find an esteemed bunch of departed poets engaging in lively (sorry, deadly) discussions and gen time-pass.. they play games such as 'whats the good wordsworth', 'lock and keats', 'tennison hard courts' and so on..Once Chaucer, Elliot, Milton, and Marlowe were playing monopoly. The game is evenly poised when the throw comes to Milton. He can hardly concentrate with the noise the others are making. Elliot has a tooth ache and is shouting 'My Cavity, My Cavity, there's nothing like my cavity'.. Milton fumbles and his throw goes wild..it lands under a sofa, gone for ever..Milton pondered and remarked...what?

(Ans) Pair o' dice lost (Highlight as usual)

Akele Ho? Mujhse Dosti Karoge?

2008-07-18T21:09:00.000-07:00

Q: Which disease do you get if you dial those 'Friend' helplines one time too many, or have too long-distance a relationship for too long a time?
A: Hearing AIDS :P

Himessss Reloaded

2008-05-31T00:03:00.000-07:00

For extreme Himesh Reshammiya fans.

Jai: tera naam kya hai Basanti?
Basanti: Suroor.

(For the clueless- meditate on the powers of 13. This, and this may help.)

People's Take

2008-05-29T01:06:00.000-07:00

Q. What's the vector form of Sridevi?

A. Tabu (coz Sridevi:Chandni :: Tabu:Chandni-Bar)

Q. ram sita hai, to ram kaun hai?

A. Darzi

Tasty bites

2008-04-22T01:25:00.000-07:00

Q1: If Shankar-Ehsaan-Loy and Shaan opened a restaurant, what dish would you get there?

A1: Instant Korma (Link.)

Q2: What would be the tallest building of Transylvania (Dracula waali)?
A2: Vampire State Building

(Q2 courtesy Prady)

Chic flick

2008-04-15T11:06:00.000-07:00

If you saw a bevy of considerably hot women accompanied by a lone little girl, what ad jingle would ring in your mind?

Chic chic chic chicklet!

Magic in God's feet

2008-04-14T13:12:00.000-07:00

When the earth was being created, Lord Brahma sanctioned the creation of Mumbai. The planning was to be done by the architects of Lord Indra, who did a fine job with the map of Mumbai. When the map was sent to Lord Vishnu for approval and placed at his feet, the entire region of Andheri disappeared from the map.

Why?

A) Kyon ki Bhagwan ke charan main sirf dheri hain, Andheri nahin.

Without Arms

2008-04-09T22:08:00.001-07:00

In some places, it is illegal for a man with no hands to carry a gun.

Is this disarmament?

2008-03-31T03:58:00.001-07:00

thanks to Baccha:

Which Australian cricketer is the God of fish?

(Ans) Gillchrist... because Gill Christ (highlight)

.