Conversation between a guy getting married and a Maths teacher

This actually happened. Here's wishing Yousuf Habib a happy married life (with this joke). Thanks a lot to Priyanka Talreja for the visuals.

Bad cowboys

Q: Where do terrorist cowboys get put away?
A: Guantanamoo bay

High

He who stands on toilet, is high on pot !

Thanks to Aman Jain on FB

Trader uncle ko gussa kyun aata hai?

(Geeky/Fin joke, I apologize in advance)

Q: Why do high frequency traders often get angry for no particular reason?
A: Because they are in the business of arbit-raging

Thought for the day - Oct 5, 2009

Garbha ke time pe, agar koi vati laati hain, woh garbhavati ho jaati hain.

Divine Clothes

Straight from the Sod's mouth:

Why're old socks usually sacred?

A: Because they tend to be 'holey'.

Sirius again

Wikipedia editors

तुला मराठी येते ?

Random collection

1) Why is watermelon juice so intoxicating?



- 'Cause it's tar-booze


2) There were once two sisters, both with same first names, May Reel. The get separated from family as kids and as fate should have it, fall into bad company. First becomes a stripper and joins gentlemen's clubs. The second joins a mob and beats up people for money. But later their lives improve, the stripper becomes a famous Hollywood actress and the mob member starts a financial firm. What were their full names?




- Merrill Lynch and Meryl Streep



3) Quick Gun Murugan started a financial firm. He called it.....


Murugan Stanley (or J.P. Murugan, not sure)

Same man, wrong movie

Hint: Gary Oldman plays Commissioner Gordon in the Batman series and Sirius Black in the Harrry Potter series.

Why Chintu did not do a phd

Size - he has it

Q: Why did the guy take his matrimonial date to a Subway®?

A: Because she said she would marry him only if he had a footlong.

(spewed from the grossness of GPD's mind)

Scrabbler pick-up line

Q) What would a scrabble player's pick-up line be?





A) Hey, nice rack.

Movies about razors

Q) If there was a movie made about razors which stars Christian Bale and Johnny Depp, what would it be called?




A) Pubic Enemies

Oh! Show!

Copied from Sod's status message:

A tourist goes to Pune and visits the Osho Ashram area. There he tries to buy a book that costs Rs 50. He gives the bookseller a Rs. 100 note. Then he waits for a while for the bookseller to give his due Rs. 50 back.

Tourist: Where is my change?

Bookseller: The change should come from within.

The center of all human beings

Q) Where does the center of all human beings on planet earth lie?




A) IIT Bombay, because it is in the center on HumaNitie

Is Cement me jaan hai!

Q. Why does Ambuja Cement also manufacture Earphones?

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A. Kyunki Deewaaron ke bhi kaan hote hai!!

Thought for the day - July 4, 2009

When the wheel was invented, it caused a revolution.

Lions. More Lions.

By Kris (no not Krishna - it's Kristopher Noronha):

Q: what do you call 10 male lions roaming the wilderness together?


A: Gay pride (usual funda)

Mallu joke

Q) What would Sreesanth be called if the emperor convinced him to join the Dark Side?




A) Darth Mallu


Please do not blame Anuj Pradhan for this. He has just finished a 2 year course at IIMB and things sometimes get difficult there. :-P

Ghost joke

Q) What is the name of the restaurant in Hell where busty female ghosts serve food?




A) Bhooters

Shiney Jokes

Q) What is Shiney Ahuja's sexual orientation?
A) He is Baisexual




Q) What does Shiney Ahuja usually read before masturbation?
A) Bai-o-graphies




Q) What does Shiney Ahuja read while masturbatiing?
A) Auto - Bai - o - graphies




Q) What was Shiney Ahuja's favourite subject in school?
A) Bai-o-logy




Q) What is Shiney Ahuja's favourite holiday destination?
A) Dubai




Q) What is Shiney Ahuja's favourite mode of transport?
A) Baicycle




Q) Shiney Ahuja decided to give up acting after the scandal and went to the stock markets to become a trader. He was a failure at it. Why?
A) He did not sell anything. All he did was bai.





Q) What is Shiney Ahuja's favourite song?
A) Maid in India
Alternate answer (from anonymous comment): Bai Bai Bai, by N'Sync




(Thanks to Anjaam for the following 'joke')
Q) What is the bai's least favourite song?
A) Shiney Disco Balls






Shiney Ahuja believes that there are 10 kinds of people in this world - those who understand bainary and those who do not.

Nein nein

If "Maine Pyar Kiya" was in German, the most popular song would have been "Kabootar, Ja Ja Ja, Kabootar Ja Ja Ja".

Totor joke

Priyanka: wish me luck
Lakesidey: am already half asleep, all the best
Priyanka: am off to tutor for the first time
Lakesidey: ok
Priyanka: will get to meet some kid
Lakesidey: tutor tutor tutor tootiya...etc etc :)
Priyanka: aiyyayyi

IPL Joke

Q) Why are the makers of the movie "Delhi 6" being sued by Lalit Modi?

A) Because they did not name their movie "Delhi DLF Maximum".

Lakesidey on 10^(-9) finance

Q) Why do we see so many banks offering cheap loans for the Nano?




A) They want Nobel Prize. If someone wants can get one for micro-finance, why not for Nano-finance?

Lakesidey says

Q) Why has there been no new Arab literature in a long while?



A) Because there is nothing left to right.

Fubu says

Q) What is the biggest symptom of iron deficiency?




A) A crumpled shirt

For the Electrical Types...

CMOS-quito : Fast, energy efficient sanguivore that buzzes around your ears. It megabites!

Missed Opportunity

Why is there no word as mistertaken?

Because for man to woman ratio is in favor of women. So, its always mistaken.

Bon Appétit.

Q : What do termite's love for breakfast ?




A : OaKmeal.

Bugs Bunny joke

Q) What would the cartoon in which Bugs Bunny has twins be called?




A) Rabbit ne banadi jodi

Temple joke

Q) Why is the forehead of a person called Amrit yellow in colour?

A) Because Amrit-sar has Golden Temple.

Please sing 'Tootak tootak tootiyan' to Vikram Rentala if you are not happy.

Grammar check

Q) What is the plural of IIT?

A) IIsT

Funda: Indian Institutes of Technology.

If you are pissed off with this 'piece', please sing, 'tootak tootak tootiyan' to Vikram Rentala.


yettt another edit-

This explains why students keep hanging out at coffee shack.....

They want to be close to Ice Tea/ IIs T

True love hormones

Q: Sashi couldn't ever kiss anyone unless he was in love with that person. Why?
A: Pyaar humein kiss Mode pe le aaya.

India-Australia rivalry

Thanks to a mnemonic for the sketch.