Tuesday, June 27, 2006

My first day-a-joke

Q) Why is Jennifer Aniston like Madhuri Dixit's boobs?
A) Jolie ke peeche kya hai?

Q) Why is a Chinese man's wife like Madhuri Dixit's boobs?
A) Chun Li ke neeche kya hai?

A Prank Call?

Prady [P] recieved a call from some unknown caller [C]. This is what happened:

P: Hello?
C: Gabbar hai kya?
P: Nahi woh nahi hai. Mai Kaliya bol raha hun. Kuchh kaam hai? Aap batiye.

*a short "collect your thoughts" pause later*

C: Aap kaha se bol rahe hain?
P: Mai to idhar se bool raha hun. Aap kaha se bol rahe hai?

*a stunned-silence type pause later*

C: Arre main kaha phone lagaya?
P: Aap to kaan me hi lagaya hoga.. Mujhe kaise pata?

*one "aargh!" later* the phone goes dead.

(a real life incident!)

PS: Daya Jokes now has 111 posts! Wohoo!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Bollius pseudus altius

This story is based on real events. Any co-incidence with B. Vinod is totaly intended.

Once upon a time there was a psheud shophie called Bolli. (Note that you have to pronounce the 's' as 'sh' to be as pseud...erm psheud as Bolli). Sho Bolli psheudly made his way to Hostel Sheven's canteen to pamper his tummy. What followed was something like this.


Bolli: Chandy mujhe ek muffin dena
Chandy: Yeh kya hai? Apne canteen main nahin milta !
Bolli (sticking his head into the canteen and other parts into the air): Woh hai na wahan.. woh waala chahiye
Chandy (angry): Arey to seedha saadha bol na ki cake chahiye! Sala hero banta hai

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Pondy

Q. How did the word 'Porn' originate?

A. A bengali got a 'burn' on his private part. (aage khud socho :p)

Come on!... Singh along...

Q: What do you call a drunk Sardar who's driving?
A: Van Hi-Singh

Q: What do you call a brown Sardar who's sitting on a cake?
A: Chocolate Ice-Singh

Q: What do you call a whore who gives blow-jobs to BSF-people?
A: Sema Saxena

Q: Why does LT give Digital blow-jobs to army people?
A: Because P.C. Saxena

Q: What do you call a couple doing it in a Citibank ATM?
A: Citi-Citi-Bang-Bang

Q: Which bank do couples go to for foreplay?
A: Dena bank

Q: What are whores called in Sweden?
A: Swe (because in Sweden, Swe is done! :P)

Q: What is the motto of homosexual rishis?
A: Drink Beer, Fuck Seer!

:P
Q) Which member of day-a-joke has the largest bed?

A) Sujay Bedekar (Bed-Acre)

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Q) Which basketball team does Prady play for?

A) The Java Lakers

Friday, June 23, 2006

Amnesia aadmi

Q: What is the volume of an amnesiac person?
A: (1/3)*pi*r*r*h. Because he keeps saying "main cone hoon!"

Q: What is the same amnesiac's weight?
A: (1/3)*pi*r*r*h*density*g (value of g at varies from place to place)

(from a real-life incident :P)

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Another share joke

Q) Jab ek AdMi gir jaata hain to kya dekhta hain?

A) Lions dekhta hain, kyon ki Gir jaate hain to wohi dikhte hain.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Why germany can't win world cup...

(Gross one... parental guidance advised)

Why doesn't Germany stand a chance in the world cup?

Because their Captain isn't man enough. After all he is Ball-lack.

Monday, June 19, 2006

What is Rajnikant's surname?

'Cant' as in .. Rajni Cant

Why?

His dad couldnt do anything right. (who names his son 'Rajni' in the first place!!)

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Jedi's Indian origin...

Which character in Star Wars was originally a Tam Rap Artist before he became a Jedi master?








Yo-Da

Saturday, June 17, 2006

child-marriage

(Dsiclaimer: this is an old joke, but is nice, so posting) -

Hair 1: Let's get married
Hair 2: Sorry, no can do.
Hair 1: Why? don't break my heart!
Hair 2: Didn't you know? 'baal'-vivaah is banned in India

Thursday, June 15, 2006

another day-a joke !

A Lady is on top of a hill and she is going to push her Father down from the hill top.....So what is the name of this evil lady ???
Ans.Push-pa

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

One from Sashi...

kshitij : Shashi do you know what a nautanki is? (MI comps CG, worried about events, go easy on the poor fellow, is kinda cute too :D).

shashi : well, its a new, female tank....or maybe its 9 female boozards....

*kshitij shaking head and wondering why oh why*


Credits
Kshitij - for doubting Shashi
Shashi - for being himself
Raj - for acting the witness and recording the priceless moment.

The origin...

How Vinod got his name... Here it is, for the first time, the secret kept safe for ages now being brought out in the open by the Priori of Kanjurmarg... this is the absolute truth.

Vinod's father has an evil, scheming brother. Also, this uncle of Vinod spoke very pseud Queen's English without a single error ever. Unfortunately, Vinod's father's wasn't as good. This created tiffs between the two brothers with both of them looking for opportunities of oneupman-ship (I am not sure where the hyphen goes but that has no relation with the story so doesn't matter).
Now, one fine day, little Bolli was born. (small hands, small face, small feet but still the same hair and huge backspace). And as customs (or maybe politeness) required, Vinod's father calls the Uncle up to give him this news.
By some other means (again, the exact means not important, so don't let this bother you too much), the Uncle had received this news beforehand. So, when Vinod's father informs him, he very smugly replies, We Knowed, instead of We Knew.
Vinod's father jumped at this opportunity of reminding his evil,scheming brother of his first and only mistake in life by naming his son Vinod. Thus, Vinod becomes the living proof of his Uncle's rarest mistake in life.
This, my friend, is the truth. Hard to swallow but can't be helped. Face it, you can't change history.


More truth about why Vinod came to IIT after his uncle returned from Brazil in a later post. Too much truth at once can kill. ("Journal of Medical Sciences, Article 23. pp 120-122")

Monday, June 12, 2006

Soldplay

Why did Chris Martin name his daughter "Apple"

Coz they can live 'Appily ever after'

Friday, June 09, 2006

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

friday movies

X-men

Q. how do mutants impregnate women?
A. with Z-men

Q. why did magneto go to the loo?
A. to gather all the moothants


Da Vinci Code

Q. if iitians were given the task of protecting the lineage of Christ, what would the group be called?
A. Priory of Kanjur-Marg

Q. how did the chicken get to the other side?
A. by crossing the Da Vinci Road

Q. how did the princess marry the prince?
A. by kissing the Da Vinci Toad

-hashish, shrini, kekde

Friday, June 02, 2006

Talking of heights

Q) What is height of pain?

A) A man sliding down the sharp side of a knife with his balls on either side and then jumping into a pool of aftershave.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Height of ...(slightly gross)

Height of Exasperation:
A one handed man hanging from a cliff with an itchy arse

Height of Frustration:
A boxer trying to scratch his balls.

Height of Confusion:
Two earthworms making love in a bowl of noodles 

Height of Competition:
A guy peeing beside a waterfall.

Height of Laziness:
Adoption

Height of false pretenses:
An afro bathing in the sea and singing "Paani mein jale mera gora badan"

Height of nerdiness:
A drowning fella shouting out "F1, F1!"

Height of Mount Everest:
8 km

Height of suspense:
Watch this space ...

(many more known, but waay too gross :P )

Dirty but good!

Two women are bicycling down a cobbled road.
One of them says, "I've never come this way before."
The other looks at her and says, "It's the cobblestones."

Courtesy: Some random place on the net!