Avast Ye Landlubbers!

Well, Pirates of the Carribean 2 is just around the corner. So, here are some pirate funnies :)

Why couldn't the children go see the new pirate movie?
It was rated "Aaar"!

Why is a pirate a pirate?
Because they AAAARRRR

Why do pirates drive ships?
because they can't afford a CARRRRRRRR

You Savvy?

Bollied over!

Q. What did the career counsellor suggest Bolli to take as his profession?

Ans - Bolli-dancing. (eeeew, gross!)

Q. What would you call Bolli if he were aggressive, hostile and inclined to fight?

Ans - Bolligerent.

If he were chinese kung fu star.

Ans - Bo - Lee


Wont even bother with bolliwood...


And I dont want anyone to say, We knowed these jokes :D.

Bolli overkill!

I dont know when did making 'bolli' jokes become cool but I surely am going to join the bandwagon! :)

Q: Why did vinod marry a mallu girl?
Ans: Simbolli!

Q: What song will vinod and his babe sing?
Ans: Khalbolli hai...khalbolli!

Q: And what song will she sing if vinod dumps her?
Ans: Bolliward of broken dreams!

Cannibal dayas

Q: Favourite food of cannibals?
A:Thai food

Q: Favourite game of cannibal children?
A: Swallow the leader

Q: Why didnt the cannibal like his mother-in-law?
A: She gave him indigestion the previous night

Cannibal 1: My dentist is horrible! He gave me a toothache the other day.
Cannibal 2: Mine too. pass the salt.

Cannibal mom to cannibal son: (At the dinner table) What did I tell you? Don't speak when you have someone in your mouth

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his @$$

Q: What did the cannibal eating the clown say?
A: This tastes funny

Q: What do cannibals do at a wedding?
A: They toast the bride and groom

Q: What did the cannibal get when he came late for dinner?
A: The Cold shoulder (inspired by Shaadi se Pehle, awesome hindi movie)

Q: Which would have to be the favourite show of cannibals all over the world?
A: Pamela Anderson Roasted

X-change

Q : What happens when you swap two barbers?
A : You get a 'nai' for a 'nai'

another variation of the kango joke:

Q) Pran and Shan go to a bus stop. When the bus arrives, Pran gets on but Shan is not allowed to get onto the bus. Why?

A) kyonki Pran jaaye par Shan na jaaye.

kuhu kuhu

Q: What is kuhu kuhu dhik chik dhik chik,kuhu kuhu dhik chik dhik chik??
A: cuckoo remixed

movie dayaas

 Q: Luv and Kush walking down the road. There comes a ditch. Kush walks around it, but Luv falls in. why?
A: Luv is blind

Q: Kush then jumps in. why?
A: Luv ke liye saala kuchh bhi karega

Q: Jugal hansraj, mayuri kango waiting on a bus stop. bus comes. only mayuri goes. why?
A: because mayuri can-go

teacher-student Q/A

 Teacher: What's common to gandhi, nehru, ambedkar and gautam budhha?
Student: All were born on holidays

T: 'A' for?
S: Apple !!!
T: Jor se bolo
S: JAI MATA DI

T: what do u call a person leaving india?
S: hindustan lever

now some sindhis ...

Q: what do u call a sindhi who falls from the first floor of a building?
A: Thudani

Q: if the sindhi falls instead from the third floor, his name?
A: Kriplani

Q: if the fallen sindhi gets drenched in blood?
A: Lalwani

Q: If one after the other sindhis jump out of the building?
A: All Moronis

Q: Sindhi tarzan?
A: Jhulelal (ok, this might be a bit offensive to some, so accept my apologies please!)

gujjus still rolling ...

Q:what does a proud gujju mum say when her boy flunks stats (statistics)?
A: maara chhokri STATES maan gayo

Q: what do gujjus eat on evenings?
A: SNAKES, usually ...

Gujjus on a roll...

(Found them on a blog which claimed some of them are original. Thanks to Bond for the links and mail. Here goes...)

Q) What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
A) You are going from BED To VERSE.

Q) Why did the gujju think Gandhi was acted by a woman in "GANDHI"?
A) They read Ben (behn) Kingsley did the acting.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GUJJU GIRL WHO SEEKS NIRVANA?
Kurt Co Ben

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GUJARATI BOOTLEGGER?
Daarubhai Ambani

WHAT DO YOU CALL A TALL AND THIN GUJARATI?
So-lanky

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GUJJU DANCE LOVING RUSSIAN?
Garbachev

WHICH IS THE GUJJU’S FAVOURITE NUMBER?
Six. Because if you’re a Gujju everything ends with a chhe.

WHICH OUTLAW MOVIE WILL BE A BLOCKBUSTER IN GUJARAT?
Bhuj Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

And some random ones...

1. What is the vectorial converse of Sridevi?

Ans. Tabu...


because Sridevi was in Chandni and Tabu was in (should be obvious by now), Chandni BAR.


2. What would Dharmendra say if he wanted Hema Malini to call him up?

Ans. Ring de basanti. :D

10sile

Q) AdMi ne tensile test kiya. What marks did he get?

A) Stretch marks.

CS 101

Q: What are computer programs written by Chinese people called?
A: Da Chinky Code.

God Save Him!

An Indian, an American and Bolli were going to commit suicide by jumping off the top of a building. The Indian jumps off and shouts, "God save India!". The American jumped off and shouted, "God save America!". Bolli then jumps off and shouts, "God save the person who I land on!"

Animal Planet

Q. What do u call a homosexual rhinoceros?
A. Gay-nda !!

Equations revisited

Please read this first before reading on.

Q) If the nice boy was gay, who would his bitch be ?
A) Pyaara Bolli

Pichwade pe na jao ... Apni akal lagao

Q. Why did people have the problem of erasing what they wrote now and then, while using Bolli's custom made keyboard ?
A. Just like Bolli, the keyboard had a huge backspace.

Q. In a recent interview AC/DC was asked who was the major inspiration for their album "Back in Black". The answer was ...
A. (Do I really need to give the answer :D )

..........

What would you call a metal band formed by members of the Al - Qaida?

Osama Bin Maiden

.doc

Q) If you want Aryan Vaid to keep his distance from you, what will you do?

A) Ek apple khayega, kyon ki an apple a day keeps the doctor (vaid) away.

Royal Blue

With which ink does david gilmour write his songs??

Ink Floyd

:)

What is Hahish's fav band??

Pun's n Poses

Metallica

what would Hetfield's band be called if he was a star in 'kasauti zaindagi ke'

Kaumolica

acchuuu

What will B cook for his Band??

Red Hot Bollie Peppers

tong

Q) Why is the tongue a strange object?

A) Kyon ki woh Ajeeb (A jeeb) hain.

Q) IF Dharmendra had played the role of Gollum in LOTR, what would be his dialogue?

A) Ring de Basanti

Economising on words...

Q: What would you say when you meet a group of ill-mannered men who are very thin?

Ans: Inko tummies(z) nahi hai.

go bald

 girl sits in an autorckshaw. then all of a sudden she goes bald. how?
A: automatically (auto-mein-takli)

Fubu imprisoned

Q: What is Fubu in prison called?

A: foo-bar => Fubu behind bars.

..... B tries to fly again

B goes to top floor of a seven storied building and jumps. he (obviously) falls and gets hurt and all, and his friends have a nice laugh. having read the last post, B thinks that if he goes back to the top of the building and jumps again, he'll be able to fly. however, each time he tries to stand up, he slips and falls. why?

A: Pehli baar crash karne par B ka kela ho jaata hai. so each time he tries to stand, he slips on the kela and falls.

(Oh Holy Father in heaven, forgive me; for i know not what i have done)

try try till you fly

 (since bolly is the common bakra here, uski maar raha hoon generally)

B goes to top floor of a seven storied building and jumps. he (obviously) falls and gets hurt and all, and his friends have a nice laugh. B goes back to the top of the building, and jumps again. this time he flies off! How?
A: Pehli baar crash karne par B ka popat ho jata hai. and popats can fly.

Aeroplane

Q: Fubu, travelling by a plane, drew a line on a piece of paper. The plane immediately crashed!!! WHY????

A: highlight the line below.
( A line drawn on a plane splits the plane into two half-planes.)

Star wars

Q: Why is Shashi Kapoor a good jedi knight?

A: uske paas Ma hai => he has m.a => he has force => force is with him

Equation

Once there was a cute and naive boy equation y = x^2. What was its name?

A) Pyaara bhola

See Pee You

Q) Why is Amrita Mahale capable of executing millions of commands per second when she is bored?

A) Amrita Mahale bored => Amma bored => Mother bored => Motherboard

In Jatt-land

Q: National airlines of Jattland
A: Kitthe Pacific

Q: National airlines of Jattland in case KP is out
A: Jatt Airways

Q: National bird of Jattland
A: Tandoori Chicken

Q: National anthem of Jattland
A: Jat's the way a-ha a-ha I like it ...

Cool box

Fellow gives his friend 3 boxes A, B, C (cartons of Coke, rather) for safe keeping and goes out, giving stict orders to him not to open the boxes under any circumstances. Friend cam't resist the temptation and so opens box B. Suddenly he hears his friend coming back, so quickly closes the box. Fellow suspects him of cheating, so he goes and touches the boxes. B is cooler than the rest, which makes the fellow exclaim- "You opened this one!"
How does he guess?
A: Thanda matlab 'khoka' 'khola'

Smiling peacocks

Person riding a bike. Suddenly a peacock flashes by, giving him a nice smile. One hour later, the same thing happens- a peacock flashes by and smiles at him.
Q: Which bike is he riding and why?
A: TVS Victor. Reason: " 'More' smiles per hour"
(more == peacock)

catch-up

Q) Why can the tomato ketchup empathise with the problems faced by many daughters-in-law?

A) Kyon ki sauce bhi kabhi bahu thi.

single

Q) Why is someone who is alone a banana?

A) Kyon ki woh akela (a kela) hain.