To "round" off 2006

Bolli ka paunch...

arbit

Q: 3 ants walking on a table spot a jalebi. 2 ants immediately rush towards it and start eating it, but the third one doesn't. why?
A: kyunki jalebi ko cheenti lag gayi thi

Q: how do you make sada dosa using shah rukh khan?
A: pour the dosa batter on his head and ask him to sing mitwa (me-tawa)

why...

Superman?
-Coz he has super powers

Spiderman?
-Coz he got his powers from a spider

Wonderwoman?
-Coz one wonders how she fits into such tight clothes!

The lamest pickup line ever

Guy to girl or girl to guy, it does not matter.

"If we were ever to get into bad Moods, we'll change our condoms"

Disasters and heights

Inaugral post and whatnot..

Q: Why was John Nash's (hypothetical) conversion to Hinduism such a disaster?

A: Because he changed his first name to Satya, thus becoming Satya Nash (highlight for it)


Q: What's the height of irrelevance?

A: According to the Mystics of Boxeria, 24.65 decameters, but it's widely contested.


This next one might -look- like a Bolli joke, but it's actually a Kray joke, that hopefully will tick Bolli off as well:

Q: What's the difference between Kray and Bolli?

A: Kray works for Western Geco; Bolli works for wireline.


Q: (Old one, originally attributed to KShitij Wagh) Who would be the director of the Bollywood remake of The Matrix?

A: David Dhawan (The One)


Q: What would you get if a bunch of people named Parag form an association?

A: The Pan Parag Association.


Q: What would you get if a bunch of people who consume Pan Parag form an association?

A: A legal battle.

Gujju people

Hashish to Sagar: Oye, pizza khaane chalte hain.

Sagar to Hashish: Nahin yaar, pizza main bahut maida hota hain. Peth ke andar sab chipak jaata hain.

Write a rhyme, get a dime

Bolli on the railway picking up stones,
Down came the engine and broke Bolli's bones,
"Aah!", said Bolli, "That's not fair.",
"Oh!", said the engine driver, "You're not fair".

- Hashish

Corollory by shrini

Bolli on the railway, acting all snooty,
Down came an engine and smacked Bolli's booty,
"Aah!", said Bolli, "Didn't you see that I was here?",
"It's night time", said the driver, "and you've a dark rear"

My word

what do you get when you cross a word with a joke?

a cross word.


P.S- Erm. yeah, hello all, my first post(or second). show mercy.

MI oh see!

Q) What is the similarity between last year's MI OC's and paper currency?

A) They have been replaced by Emani and Plasticwala.

Jose's original.

Gujju Bhai-ben

Q. What do u call a short-heighted gujju?

A. Nata-sha (h)

Jose K Jokes

Q: When people went to kick Shariq on his budday, their feet got stuck "there". Why?

Ans: It was a perfectly plastic(walla) collision.

Q: Suppose you go to the Subway at HN. What would your destination be once you leave subway? (To help you, suppose you go to any other Subway, your destination after leaving it would still remain the same)

Ans: Rome --- Sub ways lead to Rome.

Q: What is the festival of light (y)ears called?

Ans: Kan - divali.



All hail The Jose Man!

Name Game

Q. A lady is standing on top of the hill n she is going to push her father down.
So what's the name of the lady?
A. Push-Pa.

Trees and Ropes

Q: What do u call a rope that connects Pipal trees?

A: NOKIA - Connecting pipal.

Guess whose

The most famous posterior on the planet. Jennifer Lopez and Beyonce must be jealous.

Shashius Anorexius

After many valiant efforts (not to forget an attempt at sabotage), our valiant photographers managed to capture the rarest species in a never before seen pic.

There is a great mystery surrounding this blog entry. The first entry was deleted by somebody. We are still investigating that mystery. Here's the status:

• Must have been done by one of the six admins
• Admin 1: Shashi, claims innocence. But we have a theory that when Shashi sees his own pic, he undergoes grotesque transmogrifications and is not aware of what he does then and becomes a vicious deleter. Ofcourse, he would deny this because he doesn't remember that phase at all.
• Admin 2: Shrini. Haven't interrogated him yet. But we have a theory for him too. The sleepy headed Shrini must have fallen asleep on the keyboard and deleted blog entry by mistake.
• Admin 3: Bolli. Now in some dingy corner of Earth. Our theory says that he is jealous of Shashi's fair complexion and in a fit of rage, he deleted the entry. Still need to confirm this.
  

The remaining three admins are above board and beyond suspicions because they are facing tougher challenges like endsems. So we will not even bother about them.

Watch this space as this mystery unfolds and the sleuths solve this dastardly act of crime and deception.

Meanwhile, enjoy the once in a lifetime pic of Shashi.

Credits:
Camerawork - Dahlia
Occasion - Tan(e)'s budday
(Digression: Why would anyone look so sad, dejected, depressed, morose, forlorn and not to forget constipated on somebody's birthday?)


P.S. The evil-doer might strike again. But the blog entry will be made again and again. We won't be dissuaded so easily, nay, it takes more than deleting blog entries to frighten us. We will live! Long live the revolution! Down with imperialism! Glasnost! Perestorika!

Antariksh Yatri

Q) What did one gay astronomer say to another?

A) I'm interested in exploring Mars but what I really want to see is Uranus.

Ghodi cracks... joke

Q) How can you spot the blind guy at the nudist colony?
A) It's not hard.

Q) Who is the most popular guy at the nudist colony?
A) The guy who can carry a cup of coffee in each hand and a dozen donuts.

Q) Who is the most popular girl at the nudist colony?
A) She is the one who can eat the last donut!

Sex change...

(All credits to Anmol)

If a man wants to undergo sex change, what metal/chemical should he increase the intake of to bring about the change?


Ans: Iron.

Only then, will he change from Male to Fe-Male.

Orkut daya

Inspired by a creep pestering my friend on orkut.

Creep : Hey you got nice fig. Wanna franz with me?
Answer : (giving him khajoor) Here, you got yourself a date.

Unreal!

What is the opposite of real?

(Ans) Nariyal ! :D

:P

It's the bong song...

This time a take on good ol' Bongs (some original, some inspired, some plain simple borrowed :D)

1. What would be the preferrred destination of a huge group of bongs?

Ans: Bong-galore.

2. If two bongs ever ventured into the porn industry, what would they be known as?

Ans: Bong brothers.

3. After marriage, for their honeymoon, the bong couple went...

Ans: A-bonging.

4. Favourite extreme sport of bongs---

Ans: Bongee jumping.


Please to be adding to this list,
signed

The Big Bong.

more DON

Q) Bolli was given an offshore manual labour work in pacific ocean. He was unable to handle his equipment and his toolbit kept falling off in water. So finally they gave him a magnetic bit and told him to make holes in the water pillar. The attractive force between the iron pillar and magnetic tool forced bolli to sing which song?

A) Yeh mera Drill, Pier ka deewaanaa


Q) Sharukh khan was hiding in pacific ocean, when a toolbit fell on his head and he cried out. The Interpol found him. What did he say?

A) Samandar me DON ko pakadna mushkil hi nahi....namkeen bhi hai

ACAL

ACAL stands for "Assiciation of Crimebuster and Law upholders". It is a secret organisation of nine S-class ninjas who protect the earth from being destroyed from evils that mortals do not know anything of. They wanted to call it Akatsuki, but the anime series "Naruto" destroyed the reputation of that name. The ACAL was in constant pursuit of the Greek God of mayhem - Pan. There was then a chap called Singaraju Dheeraj Prasad who wanted to join the organization to fight crime. Being the mortal that he is, it was almost impossible for him to join. Filled with determination, he went to a sage called Saurav Panda for advice. Panda baba told him that if he wants to join the crime fighting organization, he has to kill and eat Pan who was hiding in Varanasi, and whose constant pursuit the ACAL was in. Singaraju Dheeraj Prasad set out on this impossible task. He sought out Pan in Varanasi, killed him and ate him. The ACAL was impressed and finally took him into the fold.

To commemorate this incident, a song was written, "Khaike Pan Banaras waala, khul jaaye bandh ACAL ka taala".

Me Myself Bushy

Q: what did Vishnoi's aussi-indonesian gf call him dearly?

A: ass ass vishnoi

PS: Sarmistha Pal trying out daya jokes :-|

Enter the Jose

To enter a country, one needs a Visa. For everything else, there's Mastercard.

yabba dabba

Q: what did fred flinstone say to barney rubble about life while watching a crappy hindi movie?
A: Zindaggi Rocks

Clarification-II

Q: What is a semi-conductor?

A: The person who collects money in a Tum-Tum.

Clarification!

Clarification about the use of the word fart:

A fart is not a joke. A fart is a joke-kha-hawa-ka.

Its all about the I

Q. What happens when you make a Hyderabadi realise his mistake?

A. He becomes Gulty Conscious

Credits: Karthik Shekhar, and his wing humour!

Engineering Fundae...

What transform does a B. Tech Engineer undergo?

(Ans) A fourier (four-year) transform!

da Vinci reloaded - II

Q. If IIT Bombay has a secret society. what would it be called?
A. The Priory of Kanjurmarg

Credits: Abhiroop "Mendhak" Medhekar. Curiously, feels like I've heard this before.

P.S.: "The Priory of Sion" came a close second.

Q: what do u call cattle with a sense of humour?
A: laughing stock

Q: Fat girl at bus stop for more than an hour. What do you call her?
A: Moti-vated

Thanks to KA Gharpure for these:

Q: Where do stupid people go to abuse?

A: Dumascus :D


Q: What will we get if the Ambanis take over IIT?

A: Diro-bhai Ambani!

:)

PS: If you dont know "KA Gharpure", then shame on you! :P

Maryland

Q: Why do people at Maryland univ bathe a lot?
A: It's at Balti-more => Loads of buckets available => Infinite bath!

Q: Why do people in Maryland have their grandpas working as cops?
A: Anna-polis

inspired/contri-ed by pursha@MD

random dayas

Q: pierce brosnan buys bananas worth five bucks, but pays only 2.5 bucks. why?
A: Dhai another day

Q: Why is brandon routh such a god tennis player?
A: No matter what, always Superman Returns

Q: Why did Shakespeare spend long hours in the loo?
A: He would always wonder-To pee or not to pee, that is the question

Q: What did the socialite Chhaya Momaaya say when a reporter asked her about her infi kids?
A: Woh sab mo(h)-maaya hai

omkara

Q) What did tyagi say when sheikh sphere asked him - gaadi kahaan se le?
A) Uthhe lo

Da Vinci Reloaded

addendum to this.

Q: If the Priory of Sion hid the holy grail at CST, what would it be called?
A. Victoria's Secret

Golf Fundaes

Surdy surdy kya gal hai...
bird-ie bird-ie eagle hain
birdie birdie, e-gal hain

Credits: Qutub, and his "cracku" head :)

What would you call a 4thie in IITB during the rainy season?



Senior Thundergraduate

Height of aptness

Partly inspired by the last post (Milk to Cream?)

We all know that Go Mata is the national animal of this country. And all that comes from it - milk, cheese, wagerah, wagerah!

Please to be looking at this pic gaur se. That of a restaurant in downtown Zurich. Height of aptness I say!
:P

Milk to Cream?

Remember Diro's speech just after we had joined? Remember "Cream of the Nation?" Shetty's idea about an IITian convocation: A mother looking fondly at her kid, and saying, "Mera doodh ab cream ban chuka hai!!!" :P:P

Credits: Nikhil Shetty, EE-'01 (this piece taken from the EE-'01 Slambook, that I got off Qutub's stuff)

Naruto fatta

Q) If Naruto were to use a Sony laptop, what would his catchline be?

A) NaandatteVaio

Unfortunate Zidane

Q: What would bachha Zindane be called, when he "stole" food off his friends' plates?

A: Gheezu zizu

credits: Onkar for cracking the joke with me :)

Swiss dayaa

In one of the toilet cubicles at EPFL:

As you take your place, a warm welcome note stares at you, "Welcome to toilet tennis. To start a game, look to your right."

Right: Cool, next shot. Look left.
Left: Look right.

Random Dayaa

Q: Why is the assassination of the Pakistani president a difficult job?
A: bcoz it is a Mush-kill task.

Sophie Ellis Baxtor

Q: French guy finds Sophie Ellis Baxtor dead after being headbutted in a footballer's apartment. what does he shout out?
A: Blood on zidane's (ze-dance) floor!

(bit farfetched, but what the heck)

Once upon a rainy day...

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

He gets toad!

Appro Himesh

What would himesh's name be if he were a female?

her-esh.

What's 13 square?

naam. (naam hain tera tera)

What's 13 cube?

suroor. (tera tera tera suroor)

credits:
'fubu'- yahoo messenger
'kya fart hain'- orkut

Superman Returns

Q: What is the name of the guy who fell on Alice Patten (Gullabo) in Rang De Basanti?
A: Sue per man

Q: What song does Super Man's sweetheart sing for him?
A: Su per, mere Man ko
kiya tune, kya ishaara....

Q: If Super man was from Hyderabad, he would have been stronger than the US based Superman. Why?
A: for then, he would be Sup-ra man

Q: Is Super Man a surd?
A: remove your spectacles, pull a strand of hair across your forehead, and none shall recognize who you really are!! .... of course he is a surd!

ps: the image above has been taken from The Great Bong.

CSE level one...

A catchline I had thought of for dept T-shirt in first year


"Your days in the department are numbered...



from 0 to n-1. "

For those who've seen Superman Returns

The movie is very educational. It explains how asteroids are formed.

Superman goes to random planets, pulls out huge pieces of land he doesn't like and throws it into space.

A Prank Call?

Prady [P] recieved a call from some unknown caller [C]. This is what happened:

P: Hello?
C: Gabbar hai kya?
P: Nahi woh nahi hai. Mai Kaliya bol raha hun. Kuchh kaam hai? Aap batiye.

*a short "collect your thoughts" pause later*

C: Aap kaha se bol rahe hain?
P: Mai to idhar se bool raha hun. Aap kaha se bol rahe hai?

*a stunned-silence type pause later*

C: Arre main kaha phone lagaya?
P: Aap to kaan me hi lagaya hoga.. Mujhe kaise pata?

*one "aargh!" later* the phone goes dead.

(a real life incident!)

PS: Daya Jokes now has 111 posts! Wohoo!

Bollius pseudus altius

This story is based on real events. Any co-incidence with B. Vinod is totaly intended.

Once upon a time there was a psheud shophie called Bolli. (Note that you have to pronounce the 's' as 'sh' to be as pseud...erm psheud as Bolli). Sho Bolli psheudly made his way to Hostel Sheven's canteen to pamper his tummy. What followed was something like this.


Bolli: Chandy mujhe ek muffin dena
Chandy: Yeh kya hai? Apne canteen main nahin milta !
Bolli (sticking his head into the canteen and other parts into the air): Woh hai na wahan.. woh waala chahiye
Chandy (angry): Arey to seedha saadha bol na ki cake chahiye! Sala hero banta hai

Pondy

Q. How did the word 'Porn' originate?

A. A bengali got a 'burn' on his private part. (aage khud socho :p)

Come on!... Singh along...

Q: What do you call a drunk Sardar who's driving?
A: Van Hi-Singh

Q: What do you call a brown Sardar who's sitting on a cake?
A: Chocolate Ice-Singh

Q: What do you call a whore who gives blow-jobs to BSF-people?
A: Sema Saxena

Q: Why does LT give Digital blow-jobs to army people?
A: Because P.C. Saxena

Q: What do you call a couple doing it in a Citibank ATM?
A: Citi-Citi-Bang-Bang

Q: Which bank do couples go to for foreplay?
A: Dena bank

Q: What are whores called in Sweden?
A: Swe (because in Sweden, Swe is done! :P)

Q: What is the motto of homosexual rishis?
A: Drink Beer, Fuck Seer!

:P

Q) Which member of day-a-joke has the largest bed?

A) Sujay Bedekar (Bed-Acre)

Q) Which basketball team does Prady play for?

A) The Java Lakers

Amnesia aadmi

Q: What is the volume of an amnesiac person?
A: (1/3)*pi*r*r*h. Because he keeps saying "main cone hoon!"

Q: What is the same amnesiac's weight?
A: (1/3)*pi*r*r*h*density*g (value of g at varies from place to place)

(from a real-life incident :P)

Another share joke

Q) Jab ek AdMi gir jaata hain to kya dekhta hain?

A) Lions dekhta hain, kyon ki Gir jaate hain to wohi dikhte hain.

Why germany can't win world cup...

(Gross one... parental guidance advised)

Why doesn't Germany stand a chance in the world cup?

Because their Captain isn't man enough. After all he is Ball-lack.

What is Rajnikant's surname?

'Cant' as in .. Rajni Cant

Why?

His dad couldnt do anything right. (who names his son 'Rajni' in the first place!!)

Jedi's Indian origin...

Which character in Star Wars was originally a Tam Rap Artist before he became a Jedi master?








Yo-Da

child-marriage

(Dsiclaimer: this is an old joke, but is nice, so posting) -

Hair 1: Let's get married
Hair 2: Sorry, no can do.
Hair 1: Why? don't break my heart!
Hair 2: Didn't you know? 'baal'-vivaah is banned in India

One from Sashi...

kshitij : Shashi do you know what a nautanki is? (MI comps CG, worried about events, go easy on the poor fellow, is kinda cute too :D).

shashi : well, its a new, female tank....or maybe its 9 female boozards....

*kshitij shaking head and wondering why oh why*


Credits
Kshitij - for doubting Shashi
Shashi - for being himself
Raj - for acting the witness and recording the priceless moment.

The origin...

How Vinod got his name... Here it is, for the first time, the secret kept safe for ages now being brought out in the open by the Priori of Kanjurmarg... this is the absolute truth.

Vinod's father has an evil, scheming brother. Also, this uncle of Vinod spoke very pseud Queen's English without a single error ever. Unfortunately, Vinod's father's wasn't as good. This created tiffs between the two brothers with both of them looking for opportunities of oneupman-ship (I am not sure where the hyphen goes but that has no relation with the story so doesn't matter).
Now, one fine day, little Bolli was born. (small hands, small face, small feet but still the same hair and huge backspace). And as customs (or maybe politeness) required, Vinod's father calls the Uncle up to give him this news.
By some other means (again, the exact means not important, so don't let this bother you too much), the Uncle had received this news beforehand. So, when Vinod's father informs him, he very smugly replies, We Knowed, instead of We Knew.
Vinod's father jumped at this opportunity of reminding his evil,scheming brother of his first and only mistake in life by naming his son Vinod. Thus, Vinod becomes the living proof of his Uncle's rarest mistake in life.
This, my friend, is the truth. Hard to swallow but can't be helped. Face it, you can't change history.


More truth about why Vinod came to IIT after his uncle returned from Brazil in a later post. Too much truth at once can kill. ("Journal of Medical Sciences, Article 23. pp 120-122")

Soldplay

Why did Chris Martin name his daughter "Apple"

Coz they can live 'Appily ever after'

Shady Bolli!

Bolli went to Goa and got tanned.

friday movies

X-men

Q. how do mutants impregnate women?
A. with Z-men

Q. why did magneto go to the loo?
A. to gather all the moothants


Da Vinci Code

Q. if iitians were given the task of protecting the lineage of Christ, what would the group be called?
A. Priory of Kanjur-Marg

Q. how did the chicken get to the other side?
A. by crossing the Da Vinci Road

Q. how did the princess marry the prince?
A. by kissing the Da Vinci Toad

-hashish, shrini, kekde

Talking of heights

Q) What is height of pain?

A) A man sliding down the sharp side of a knife with his balls on either side and then jumping into a pool of aftershave.

Height of ...(slightly gross)

Height of Exasperation:
A one handed man hanging from a cliff with an itchy arse

Height of Frustration:
A boxer trying to scratch his balls.

Height of Confusion:
Two earthworms making love in a bowl of noodles 

Height of Competition:
A guy peeing beside a waterfall.

Height of Laziness:
Adoption

Height of false pretenses:
An afro bathing in the sea and singing "Paani mein jale mera gora badan"

Height of nerdiness:
A drowning fella shouting out "F1, F1!"

Height of Mount Everest:
8 km

Height of suspense:
Watch this space ...

(many more known, but waay too gross :P )

Dirty but good!

Two women are bicycling down a cobbled road.
One of them says, "I've never come this way before."
The other looks at her and says, "It's the cobblestones."

Courtesy: Some random place on the net!

Avast Ye Landlubbers!

Well, Pirates of the Carribean 2 is just around the corner. So, here are some pirate funnies :)

Why couldn't the children go see the new pirate movie?
It was rated "Aaar"!

Why is a pirate a pirate?
Because they AAAARRRR

Why do pirates drive ships?
because they can't afford a CARRRRRRRR

You Savvy?

Bollied over!

Q. What did the career counsellor suggest Bolli to take as his profession?

Ans - Bolli-dancing. (eeeew, gross!)

Q. What would you call Bolli if he were aggressive, hostile and inclined to fight?

Ans - Bolligerent.

If he were chinese kung fu star.

Ans - Bo - Lee


Wont even bother with bolliwood...


And I dont want anyone to say, We knowed these jokes :D.

Bolli overkill!

I dont know when did making 'bolli' jokes become cool but I surely am going to join the bandwagon! :)

Q: Why did vinod marry a mallu girl?
Ans: Simbolli!

Q: What song will vinod and his babe sing?
Ans: Khalbolli hai...khalbolli!

Q: And what song will she sing if vinod dumps her?
Ans: Bolliward of broken dreams!

Cannibal dayas

Q: Favourite food of cannibals?
A:Thai food

Q: Favourite game of cannibal children?
A: Swallow the leader

Q: Why didnt the cannibal like his mother-in-law?
A: She gave him indigestion the previous night

Cannibal 1: My dentist is horrible! He gave me a toothache the other day.
Cannibal 2: Mine too. pass the salt.

Cannibal mom to cannibal son: (At the dinner table) What did I tell you? Don't speak when you have someone in your mouth

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: He wiped his @$$

Q: What did the cannibal eating the clown say?
A: This tastes funny

Q: What do cannibals do at a wedding?
A: They toast the bride and groom

Q: What did the cannibal get when he came late for dinner?
A: The Cold shoulder (inspired by Shaadi se Pehle, awesome hindi movie)

Q: Which would have to be the favourite show of cannibals all over the world?
A: Pamela Anderson Roasted

X-change

Q : What happens when you swap two barbers?
A : You get a 'nai' for a 'nai'

another variation of the kango joke:

Q) Pran and Shan go to a bus stop. When the bus arrives, Pran gets on but Shan is not allowed to get onto the bus. Why?

A) kyonki Pran jaaye par Shan na jaaye.

kuhu kuhu

Q: What is kuhu kuhu dhik chik dhik chik,kuhu kuhu dhik chik dhik chik??
A: cuckoo remixed

movie dayaas

 Q: Luv and Kush walking down the road. There comes a ditch. Kush walks around it, but Luv falls in. why?
A: Luv is blind

Q: Kush then jumps in. why?
A: Luv ke liye saala kuchh bhi karega

Q: Jugal hansraj, mayuri kango waiting on a bus stop. bus comes. only mayuri goes. why?
A: because mayuri can-go

teacher-student Q/A

 Teacher: What's common to gandhi, nehru, ambedkar and gautam budhha?
Student: All were born on holidays

T: 'A' for?
S: Apple !!!
T: Jor se bolo
S: JAI MATA DI

T: what do u call a person leaving india?
S: hindustan lever

now some sindhis ...

Q: what do u call a sindhi who falls from the first floor of a building?
A: Thudani

Q: if the sindhi falls instead from the third floor, his name?
A: Kriplani

Q: if the fallen sindhi gets drenched in blood?
A: Lalwani

Q: If one after the other sindhis jump out of the building?
A: All Moronis

Q: Sindhi tarzan?
A: Jhulelal (ok, this might be a bit offensive to some, so accept my apologies please!)

gujjus still rolling ...

Q:what does a proud gujju mum say when her boy flunks stats (statistics)?
A: maara chhokri STATES maan gayo

Q: what do gujjus eat on evenings?
A: SNAKES, usually ...

Gujjus on a roll...

(Found them on a blog which claimed some of them are original. Thanks to Bond for the links and mail. Here goes...)

Q) What did the Gujju say to the singing prostitute?
A) You are going from BED To VERSE.

Q) Why did the gujju think Gandhi was acted by a woman in "GANDHI"?
A) They read Ben (behn) Kingsley did the acting.

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GUJJU GIRL WHO SEEKS NIRVANA?
Kurt Co Ben

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GUJARATI BOOTLEGGER?
Daarubhai Ambani

WHAT DO YOU CALL A TALL AND THIN GUJARATI?
So-lanky

WHAT DO YOU CALL A GUJJU DANCE LOVING RUSSIAN?
Garbachev

WHICH IS THE GUJJU’S FAVOURITE NUMBER?
Six. Because if you’re a Gujju everything ends with a chhe.

WHICH OUTLAW MOVIE WILL BE A BLOCKBUSTER IN GUJARAT?
Bhuj Cassidy and the Sundance Kid

And some random ones...

1. What is the vectorial converse of Sridevi?

Ans. Tabu...


because Sridevi was in Chandni and Tabu was in (should be obvious by now), Chandni BAR.


2. What would Dharmendra say if he wanted Hema Malini to call him up?

Ans. Ring de basanti. :D

10sile

Q) AdMi ne tensile test kiya. What marks did he get?

A) Stretch marks.

CS 101

Q: What are computer programs written by Chinese people called?
A: Da Chinky Code.

God Save Him!

An Indian, an American and Bolli were going to commit suicide by jumping off the top of a building. The Indian jumps off and shouts, "God save India!". The American jumped off and shouted, "God save America!". Bolli then jumps off and shouts, "God save the person who I land on!"

Animal Planet

Q. What do u call a homosexual rhinoceros?
A. Gay-nda !!

Equations revisited

Please read this first before reading on.

Q) If the nice boy was gay, who would his bitch be ?
A) Pyaara Bolli

Pichwade pe na jao ... Apni akal lagao

Q. Why did people have the problem of erasing what they wrote now and then, while using Bolli's custom made keyboard ?
A. Just like Bolli, the keyboard had a huge backspace.

Q. In a recent interview AC/DC was asked who was the major inspiration for their album "Back in Black". The answer was ...
A. (Do I really need to give the answer :D )

..........

What would you call a metal band formed by members of the Al - Qaida?

Osama Bin Maiden

.doc

Q) If you want Aryan Vaid to keep his distance from you, what will you do?

A) Ek apple khayega, kyon ki an apple a day keeps the doctor (vaid) away.

Royal Blue

With which ink does david gilmour write his songs??

Ink Floyd

:)

What is Hahish's fav band??

Pun's n Poses

Metallica

what would Hetfield's band be called if he was a star in 'kasauti zaindagi ke'

Kaumolica

acchuuu

What will B cook for his Band??

Red Hot Bollie Peppers

tong

Q) Why is the tongue a strange object?

A) Kyon ki woh Ajeeb (A jeeb) hain.

Q) IF Dharmendra had played the role of Gollum in LOTR, what would be his dialogue?

A) Ring de Basanti

Economising on words...

Q: What would you say when you meet a group of ill-mannered men who are very thin?

Ans: Inko tummies(z) nahi hai.

go bald

 girl sits in an autorckshaw. then all of a sudden she goes bald. how?
A: automatically (auto-mein-takli)

Fubu imprisoned

Q: What is Fubu in prison called?

A: foo-bar => Fubu behind bars.

..... B tries to fly again

B goes to top floor of a seven storied building and jumps. he (obviously) falls and gets hurt and all, and his friends have a nice laugh. having read the last post, B thinks that if he goes back to the top of the building and jumps again, he'll be able to fly. however, each time he tries to stand up, he slips and falls. why?

A: Pehli baar crash karne par B ka kela ho jaata hai. so each time he tries to stand, he slips on the kela and falls.

(Oh Holy Father in heaven, forgive me; for i know not what i have done)

try try till you fly

 (since bolly is the common bakra here, uski maar raha hoon generally)

B goes to top floor of a seven storied building and jumps. he (obviously) falls and gets hurt and all, and his friends have a nice laugh. B goes back to the top of the building, and jumps again. this time he flies off! How?
A: Pehli baar crash karne par B ka popat ho jata hai. and popats can fly.

Aeroplane

Q: Fubu, travelling by a plane, drew a line on a piece of paper. The plane immediately crashed!!! WHY????

A: highlight the line below.
( A line drawn on a plane splits the plane into two half-planes.)

Star wars

Q: Why is Shashi Kapoor a good jedi knight?

A: uske paas Ma hai => he has m.a => he has force => force is with him

Equation

Once there was a cute and naive boy equation y = x^2. What was its name?

A) Pyaara bhola

See Pee You

Q) Why is Amrita Mahale capable of executing millions of commands per second when she is bored?

A) Amrita Mahale bored => Amma bored => Mother bored => Motherboard

In Jatt-land

Q: National airlines of Jattland
A: Kitthe Pacific

Q: National airlines of Jattland in case KP is out
A: Jatt Airways

Q: National bird of Jattland
A: Tandoori Chicken

Q: National anthem of Jattland
A: Jat's the way a-ha a-ha I like it ...

Cool box

Fellow gives his friend 3 boxes A, B, C (cartons of Coke, rather) for safe keeping and goes out, giving stict orders to him not to open the boxes under any circumstances. Friend cam't resist the temptation and so opens box B. Suddenly he hears his friend coming back, so quickly closes the box. Fellow suspects him of cheating, so he goes and touches the boxes. B is cooler than the rest, which makes the fellow exclaim- "You opened this one!"
How does he guess?
A: Thanda matlab 'khoka' 'khola'

Smiling peacocks

Person riding a bike. Suddenly a peacock flashes by, giving him a nice smile. One hour later, the same thing happens- a peacock flashes by and smiles at him.
Q: Which bike is he riding and why?
A: TVS Victor. Reason: " 'More' smiles per hour"
(more == peacock)

catch-up

Q) Why can the tomato ketchup empathise with the problems faced by many daughters-in-law?

A) Kyon ki sauce bhi kabhi bahu thi.

single

Q) Why is someone who is alone a banana?

A) Kyon ki woh akela (a kela) hain.

How B avoids XX grade...

Q. Why is B never late to class?

Ans. Coz his paunch reaches the class 10 minutes before he does.


P.S. (dis)credit to Emani.

P.P.S. This joke coming from me... =))

It's all rational

Please dont murder me for this :D


Happy Singh: Didi, tuannu kuch pata hai ki Jesus di koi didi thi ?
Happy Kaur: Nahin thi ?
Happy Singh: Kyon ? Tuannu kaise pata ?
Happy Kaur: Accha sannu yeh das ki Jesus di didi hondi te udda naam ki honda ?
Happy Singh: Jassi ?
Happy Kaur: Veeery good! Accha ab chamka ki Jesus di behen kyon nahin si ?
Happy Singh: OOOOOOOOH kyonki Jassi jaisa koi nahin

Neil & Nikkei

Arvind Iyengar's fatta goes as follows:

Q) What did Neil Armstrong say when he landed on the moon?

A) I'm the Neil, I'm the man, rockstar, superstar.

Neil & Nikkei

Arvind Iyengar's fatta goes as follows:

Q) What did Neil Armstrong say when he landed on the moon?

A) I'm the Neil, I'm the man, rockstar, superstar.

happy and gay

two sardars were feeling happy. happy felted disgusted and left.

all brickbats to be directed towards ghoda for this one.

Puns upon a time

Kakkadi to AdMi: Did you ever spot a leopard in ur IIT stay.
AdMi to Kakkadi: No.. I didn't.. leopards are already spotted.

Throwing around weight

Bolli MI ka CG kaise ban gaya ?
Uski pa(h)unch bahut door tak hai.

Blonde jokes

Found these here.

• A blonde walks into a bar... Ouch.

• Two blondes are walking in a forest, they spot a pair of tracks. One suggests they're bear tracks, while the other says that they a fox tracks. Then they get hit by a train.

wordplay

What do you get when you mix hot water, an egg and vinod?
A bollied egg

why does aditya mittal travel a lot?
kyonki AdMi musaafir hai

what is the colour of sammeta's posterior?
RO's ass are red, violets are blue

*****AARGH!!! warning*****

what did sammeta do after he read the joke above?
wo RO padaa

then why did golu laugh?
he found the joke punny

Diet Control

Akbar always lost to Birbal at chess. He asked Birbal the funda, and Birbal said.. "U're not really thinking".
So Akbar went to a Gym and took to dieting...and lost a lot of weight. Now he started beating Birbal at chess because now he was thin-king.

panes

Q) Why did Machis have to undergo treatment when he sat on Sriram Emani?

A) Sriram was a pain in the @$$.

gross

Q) Jab Hillu moonh kholta hain to tatti kyon bahar nikalta hain?

A) Hillu == He-loo == Gents toilet => he is full of shit

impressive

Why did shrini order cold turkey take out on a friday night?
Because he couldn't find a hot chick to go out with

What is common between Bolli and kids running on the beach?
Kids leave their impression behind and Bolli's behind leaves an impression

Reservations

A turtle and a hare both get exactly 80% marks in their board exams. The cutoff is 81%. Only the turtle gets in. Why?

(Ans) Sports quota re...

Lingering thoughts

Q) What metal does the lingerie maker use the most?

A) Brass

La Liga

Q) Which Spanish football club requests you to take from a bar?

A) Barcelona (Bar ce lona)

Damn!

Q) What has happened when the water has breached the dykes? (Kakkadi's original)

A) The lesbians' water broke.

cardinal sin

What do you call Bolli when he orders 10 large pizzas for lunch?
A GULTton

What do you call shashi when he orders 10 large pizzas for lunch?
nothing, because bolli has already eaten shashi's share

Precision

Hashish to AdMi: Check out these day-a-jokes.
AdMi to Hashish: I have heard all of them, but these are new.
Hashish to AdMi: If you have heard all of them, how are they new?
AdMi to Hashish: Yes, these are identical to the old ones, but then these are "delta different"!

Why did they cross the road?

What do you call a chicken that crosses the road without looking both ways?
Dead.

Why did the chicken cross the muddy road and not come back?
Because he didn't want to be a dirty double-crosser.

Why did the quantum chicken not cross the road?
He was already on both sides.

Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?
To get to the same side.

God of war

If a person pisses off someone, maar khata hain.
Agar aadmi ko khush kardeta hain, Mars khata hain.

For those who do not know funda, Mars is a brand of chocolate. For more info, check out the following link:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mars_Bar

B Warned...

Q: Why must you never irritate Bolli?

Ans: Coz then he will paunch you.

repeating units connected by covalent chemical bonds

Q) What do you call a bunch of bollis standing holding hands? (Thanks to Priyanka Lahiri for that)

A)Bollimer

RHCP

Q) What is the process in which a Caliph has premarital sex called?
A) Californication

Stretch marks == Paunch lines

Q) What part of Bolli's jokes are funny?
A) The ending, because Bolli always has a paunch-line.

Q) Why is bolli so effective in poltugiri?
A) kyonki uski paunch door door tak hai :)

Q) A sitcom starring Bolli, Golu, Machi, Maachis and Kekde ...
A) Hum paunch

Heard some place

Why is a dumb cat unable to walk properly?

The cat is unable to say "Mew", which means that Mu = 0, the co-efficient of friction is zero, which means that it frequently slips while walking.

Shares

If two of my lionesses have broken ribs, one lion has a fractured paw and 3 lion cubs have bruises, what has happened?

My pride has been hurt.


What do you call a lion that is capable of doing many things? (Thanks to Saxena for this one)

Share Can

Google jokes

If Google made a product that rapes, what would it be called?
gRapes

If Google made a guitar strings, what would it be called?
gStrings

If Google made Singaraju Dheeraj Prasadm what would the product be called? (Thanks to Saxena for this one)
G(i)golu

Opening Salvo

Two Christian guys, who are best friends, have a thing for the same girl. They shake hands, and one of them goes, "May the best man loose!". Why ?

Because the winner would get married to the girl, and the loser would be the best man at the wedding.